A reflection for Father’s Day
We’ve read a great many balance sheets over the years. Pensions, portfolios, properties, the proceeds of a business sold after a lifetime of building it. And the most valuable thing a father passes on rarely appears on any of them.
It’s Father’s Day this Sunday. And underneath the small ritual of it, there’s something worth reflecting on, because it sits very close to the work we actually do here.
We talk a lot about wealth at Wells Gibson. But the longer we do this, the more convinced we are that money is the least interesting part of what gets handed down.
What actually gets passed on
Think, for a moment, about what you learned about money from your own father, or from whoever played that part for you.
It probably wasn’t a lecture. It rarely is.
It was watching.
The way he paid a bill the day it arrived, or didn’t. Whether “we can’t afford it” was said with shame or with calm. Whether money was a thing spoken about openly at the kitchen table, or a thing that went quiet whenever the children walked in.
Most of us inherit our relationship with money long before we inherit any of the money itself. We absorb it sideways, as children do, and we carry it for decades without ever quite naming it. Some of what we picked up serves us well. Some of it we’d do better to set down.
We mention this not to be sentimental, but because it matters enormously to planning.
It’s why the very first question we ask a new client isn’t about pensions or portfolios at all. It’s simply: What’s important about money to you? The same answers tend to come back, security, providing for the family, the freedom to live the life that matters to them. The money itself almost never tops the list. Money, as Jonathan puts it, is just an enabler. The figures come later, and only ever in service of those answers.
Because the families we work with aren’t really asking how to maximise a return. They’re asking a quieter question:
Will my family be okay?
And the answer to that has at least as much to do with the conversations they have as with the figures on the page.
The lesson worth giving
If there’s a single thing worth a father passing on, it isn’t a sum of money. It’s the absence of a taboo.
So many families never talk about money at all. Not the good kind of money: the will, the wishes, the “here’s what we’ve built and here’s what we hope it does for you.“
It feels morbid, or boastful, or simply awkward, so it gets left for another day.
And then one day there isn’t another day.
The kindest inheritance a father can leave is a family that already knows how to have the conversation. Children who aren’t frightened of the subject. A spouse who knows where everything is and why. A plan that has been explained, not just executed.
That costs nothing. It’s available to a father of modest means just as much as to one with a great deal. And in our experience, it does more for a family’s long term wellbeing than any single investment decision ever will.
The halfway mark
We’re halfway through the year, the point where good intentions made in January quietly need rescuing.
It feels like a fitting moment to suggest something gentle.
If your own father is still with you, you might use this Sunday for an easier version of the hard conversation: not the will and the figures, but the values.
What did money mean in our house growing up?
What do you wish you’d known?
What would you want for the grandchildren?
You may be surprised what gets said when nobody’s reaching for a calculator.
And if you’re a father yourself, the question turns around.
What are your children learning from watching you, and is it what you’d choose to teach them?
It’s never too early, and very rarely too late, to be deliberate about that.
Purposeful wealth
This is, in the end, what we mean by Purposeful Wealth.
Money in service of a life, and a life in service of the people in it.
The plan is just the scaffolding. The point was always the family it was built to hold up.
To every father reading this, and to everyone marking the day with one no longer here, a quiet and happy Sunday.
If the family conversations this raises feel easier to have with a calm third party in the room, that’s a part of what we do. There’s no rush and never a sales pitch. Just the opportunity to talk things through, and a plan that’s understood by the people it was built for.
Risk warnings
This article is provided for general information and educational purposes only. It reflects our views on family conversations, financial planning and intergenerational wealth, and should not be regarded as financial, investment, tax or legal advice.
The information contained in this article is not intended to be relied upon when making financial decisions. Individual circumstances will vary, and readers should seek professional advice tailored to their specific situation before taking any action.
Any references to estate planning, inheritance, wealth transfer or financial planning are for illustrative purposes only and do not constitute a personal recommendation.
Wells Gibson Limited is authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority (Firm Reference Number 731027).
